Let's all just leave Rob Kardashian alone

So, I am driving to work this morning, you know, all wrapped up in my own issues (post-Memorial Day probz). Which aren't really issues compared to the issues Rob Kardashian is experiencing right now.
First of all, let me just make it known that I could care less about the celebrities, I didn't care that Kim and Kanye were even getting married this past weekend, nor did I even know about it until this morning when I heard it on the radio. I do not watch them on TV, and I don't purposely read about them or look them up, because...
I DO NOT CARE.
I just wanted to be clear on that.
I digress.
So, I am driving to work today, and the station I am listening to starts having a discussion and at first, I am so confused because I have no idea who they are talking about. They are discussing a guy who is overweight and because of this, he left Kim's wedding. Normally this is the point when I either decide if this is a discussion worth tuning in for, or changing the station. But, this discussion hooked me right away because of some of the things the DJs were saying. Once I figured out they were talking about Rob Kardashian a lot of the story now made sense.
Just in case you don't listen to the radio or watch television or frequent twitter and other online social media sites (pretty much you live under a rock-its cool), I am going to give you a quick synopsis of what I have gathered between the radio and then googling it when I got to work (yes I know, I should be working instead of researching Rob Kardashian's life struggles).

Apparently, (well obviously), Rob Kardashian has put on some serious weight. Sources say he has been recently very depressed and that is what caused the weight gain. And, of course this weight gain obviously made him even more depressed because no one wants to be overweight. 

Especially when you are a celebrity. 

He left the wedding because he didn't want to be in the photos and he did not want to be seen or hang around all of the people who were attending the wedding due to the weight gain and his insecurities about it. 

There was a family fight over this matter and according to what I heard on the radio and read online, his family was not being supportive of him and his desire to be left out of the photos, so he bailed on the entire weekend of festivities, including the wedding ceremony. 

He was seen at LAX where reporters swarmed him with questions from the moment he was first spotted until he retreated to the black SUV that picked him up. 

And that, is what I know.

Whether it is all fact, I am not sure. 

Now, since I couldn't give my two cents to the DJ on the radio whom I completely disagreed with, I am going to say my opinion about this entire situation right HERE on my own blog. 

First of all, being a celebrity must completely SUCK. And, its not like Rob asked for all this fame or did something to become more famous (cough cough, sex tape anyone?)
Its not completely ridiculous to think that maybe he doesn't want to be famous, maybe he doesn't constantly want the cameras in his face and his business. In addition, Rob isn't and never has been as famous as his sisters, even the younger two (I don't know their names). He doesn't have a successful clothing line, he designs socks, I mean come on! The poor guy clearly is not happy! No one who designs socks is happy, especially next to his -not three, but FIVE attractive, smart, successful sisters and worst of all- his MOTHER, the biggest fame chaser of them all. If he had any shred of confidence, five minutes with that bunch and any guy would feel pretty badly about themselves. Not to mention, he probably feels pretty left out. He is the only son, except for his step-dads children however, something tells me he doesn't hang with them very often.
Oh, and I almost forgot- every time he gets to go home to this lovely estrogen-filled mansion, there are cameras following his every move.
Sounds amazing, huh?
Getting back to the radio show this morning, there were three DJs talking about this. One of them was completely bashing Rob, saying that he thought it was ridiculous that he left the wedding and believes it was all for "show." That everything was scripted and they wanted it to be this big dramatic event that would get this much publicity. This asshole tried to say that being depressed just wasn't an excuse, that it wasn't an excuse for him to have let himself go, and it wasn't an excuse that he was trying to use that in order to make a big scene and leave the wedding. He also said that if you are going to be that family who puts everything on television, then you need to be okay with being on television. (Like Rob even had a choice in the matter?) He said a bunch of other shit too, but he was just wrong. Honestly, our society is so stupid.
Because here is what is fucked up: the truly fucked up Kardashian is clearly Kim herself, she only got famous because she made a sex tape (that she probably leaked herself), she's been divorced for like five minutes, had a baby out of wedlock and is now getting married to the douchiest man on the planet (no one will forget his drunken outburst at Taylor Swift), (plus all the other ways he is a douche),  AND THEN, when her brother shows up to her wedding and didn't want to be in pictures or see some people because of his weight gain and insecurities, they pretty much didn't even try to stop him from leaving when he felt like he would ruin the pictures by being in them.

Here is what pissed me off about this DJ...
Unless you have gone through clinical depression, you do not know what it is like, nor do you have the right to be speaking about it. Furthermore, even if you have been clinically diagnosed with depression, no two people are alike, so no two depressions are alike. What this guy is going through is his business, however long it takes for him to get through it is his business and if that means he is going to gain weight or his health is going to suffer from it, then it is his business. I think it involves his family and becomes his family's business as well when he asks for their help and support. From all the reports I have read and heard so far though, it doesn't sound like they have been very supportive. I can only imagine how that must feel in an already fucked up family.

So, my day started pretty horribly because of that ass crack of a DJ and his stupidity spewing all over the radio, but there is a point to my madness! I just hope that everyone gets a little something out of this post and going forward in life!

Bottom line: it isn't our business. So, let's all just leave Rob Kardashian alone.

Here is the latest article-
http://uproxx.com/up/2014/05/rob-kardashian-was-reportedly-fat-shamed-away-from-the-kimye-wedding/


xo E

Waitress No More

Yesterday, was my final day as a waitress at a breakfast and lunch diner. 

For now, anyway. 

Who knows, I could get fired from my full-time next week and then I will have to resort to waitressing again. 

I will probably at some point have to resort to waitressing again anyway (in addition to my full-time) if I ever want to get myself out of the mound of college debt I am in. 

Which really isn't as much as most people, but still. 

My favorite part about being a waitress is that interaction with the customers. 

Most of them are nice, some of them bring their kids. 

Some of the kids are cute and polite, but most of them just stack the butters and jellies and then I have even more to clean-up, as if I already didn't have a messy table as it is- and a pancake and syrup splattered floor (beneath the messy table.) Not to mention that about 50% of them spill something throughout the course of their breakfast. 

A lot of the customers are regulars or frequents, which makes my job so much easier as a waitress. They are creatures of habit, so in addition to eating at the diner every weekend, in the same seat, at the same time, I could pretty much put in their order for them before they even tell it to me.
But, just in case, and mostly to amuse myself, I ask them what they will have anyway.

Can't you just tell I loved this job? I mean, my enthusiasm is written all over this post.

I do have to say, the money was good. That is probably what I will miss the most, before the waitresses (the ones I actually liked), and the customers (again, the ones I actually liked).
.....................

Okay, okay I am exaggerating just a little bit. In all honesty, it was a fun job. The time passed quickly and I did like the people I worked with. I was fortunate to even have been given the opportunity to work there, with all my no-experience and what-not. I became pretty quick on my feet and I learned how to roll with the punches. If the cook gives you something different than how you placed it, you have to quickly know what to do and say to the customer- sometimes it means even taking the blame yourself. I learned not to let myself get so bogged down with the little stuff, take notice to detail, ask questions, and the customer is always right (even when you know they're really not).

Fortunately, now I have the experience I needed to go on to bigger and better waitressing jobs (my freshman year college self would totally be hating my 23 year-old post graduate self for waitressing after graduation.)
But I don't mind being a waitress. It is extra cash in my pocket, for loan payments or maybe just for a 6 pack when I get out of work.
Hmm...that sounds good right about now.

adiosamigos!
xo E 

I looked up to the Sex and the City characters growing up...Pretty much explains who I became

Whenever I sit at my desk to start blogging, I feel like Carrie Bradshaw. All I need is a cigarette and New york City in front of me. 

Sex and the City is one of my all-time favorite shows, ever (and always will be.) 

Growing up, I wanted to be Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte all wrapped up into one person. 

I loved how much confidence they each had, it drove them, radiated from them. I loved that Samantha could sleep with a different guy every other night and not care if she would ever see him again (in fact, I'm pretty sure most of the time she didn't want to ever see them again.) I loved the high-powered character that Miranda was, she was a partner at a law firm, she was respected and she respected herself. I loved the charisma and poise that Charlotte maintained in everything that she did, she was the definition of class. And, Carrie, who couldn't help but love Carrie? She was the center of the entire story, she was the Sex and the City. I loved that she was always in love, and she wasn't the same person with each lover, she was confident and independent (even if she was always in a ton of debt from shopping but, lets face it, who isn't?)

Not long after I started watching Sex and the City reruns, I knew who I wanted to be when I grew up; I wanted to be a creator, a lover, a writer; a high class slut, a respected woman "in the office," and I wanted to be me. The me that was already me before I started watching Sex and the City. 

I wanted to live in a big city and live the life they all lived. The jobs, the parties, the bars, the brunches, and of course, the sex. 

But, even more than that, I wanted the passion Carrie felt and continued to carry with her through all six seasons for "Big." 

I wanted the love, dedication and loyalty they all shared for one another, themselves included. 

I wanted it all. I wanted to be Sex and the City. 

Being that I am 23, a post graduate, and living in my moms house, I am clearly on my way. HA. 

But, in all seriousness, I am on my way New York. I will save my money, pay off my loans, and in no time, I will be living in my own flat in New York City. I will probably be living on coffee, cigarettes, ramen and beer but, it won't matter because I will be there, and that is all that matters. 

xo E

FWB

We have all been there, and if you haven't, you can't even say that you haven't at least thought about it. Friends with Benefits. Even if you haven't actually had a "friend with benefits" you probably had guy friends (or girl friends, I don't judge), whom you at least thought about said topic with. There is nothing wrong with this kind of relationship, except for well, everything about it. I find it can depend on the persons involved, but I do believe that no matter who these people are, they have thought about what it would be like to bring the sex relationship to the next level. Which is what? I've always wondered who even came up with the levels of a relationship between two people, and why they even have to exist. But that is a whole other discussion for a different day. 

In the past, when I've had "friends with benefits," I found there was always one of us who liked the other, but the other didn't feel the same, they were just in it for the sex. There has been times where I have attempted a relationship with someone and found out after that to them, it was a "friends with benefits thing." 

Well this is embarrassing. 

But, there has been times where I considered a hook up to be just that, and the guy was under a different impression. 

So, back to my theory that it really just depends on who that person is. 

I think it also depends on the kind of relationship or friendship you already have with that person. I have a friend, who is a guy, who has probably had a crush on me for as long as he has known me. We have always been "just friends" because that is all I ever wanted. I didn't want the hooking up part and I didn't want the relationship. But, I knew those things were things he would always think about and want. It is hard to maintain a friendship with someone when this is the case. I liked that when we hung out I didn't need to worry or care how I looked, I could look dirty as fuck and not give two shits. I could drink beer and eat chips in my sweats and listen to music and play games and none of it would feel weird because we were just friends. 

Except it always felt weird, sometimes weirder than other times. Point being, I always knew he liked me because he would always flirt and get touchy and it honestly made me feel sick. But, mostly it just made me feel like a jerk. I didn't want him to think I was leading him on or giving him false hope, so I constantly would remind him that we were "just friends." He HATED this. Mostly, I think, because he knew that it probably never was going to happen, deep down, he knew that if it were it would have happened already. But, still he continued to flirt and touch and make jokes about us "someday" getting together. 

This also made me feel sick. 

I promise there is a point to this story. 

See the biggest problem about this friendship, is that when I get drunk or drunk-ish or apparently when I am just sleep deprived and spending my second night in a row at the university library, I get lonely and I get flirty. 

So I flirted and I gave him hope that it actually might happen, this thing that he had been waiting for since I drunkenly bumped into him at a party freshman year of college (I am 23 now.)

But it never happened, though, he certainly tried. But I couldn't go through with it. The more I thought about it, the more it felt so...wrong. 

He was one of my only guy friends that I didn't hook up with. And that is why I liked him so much-as a friend, who is a guy, and not a girl. 

He was my I-can-be-dirty-and-still-hang-with-a-guy friend. 

When you find that, you hang on to it. You don't hook up with it, and why not? Because he will like you, because he has seen you dirty, drinking beer and eating chips playing drinking games and listening to 90's music. 

He knows everything about you, and he is still your friend. 

Add sex to the equation, and its all over. 

He will be falling in love in no time. 

Then, you will have to end the sex, end the friendship because any means of a friendship after that is highly likely to be pretty much hopeless. 

And then what? 

Now you are laying around in your sweats, dirty, drinking a beer and listening to 90's music, ALONE. 

No one wants that. 

But, like I said before, it depends on the persons involved. 

I started a casual "friends with benefits" relationship with a guy I have known, and been friends with since middle school. The relationship had its ups and downs over the years because there were many times throughout high school where he liked me and I didn't feel the same way. 

A couple years ago, we were both newly single and feeling quite deprived, so we decided to become FWB. 

Unfortunately, this was harder than expected. I began to develop feelings for him that I had never even had before- not for him anyway.
Given that we had dated in the past and our friendship was such a long-term one, I knew that once I started to develop these feelings for him, they most likely would never go away.
I began to realize that for him, I wasn't what he wanted, at least, not in any sense more than what we were already doing. While the "benefits" part of the friendship continued for quite a long time, the "friends" part began to dwindle out until finally, the entire friendship was practically non-existent.

In some cases, both parties know exactly what it is. It is a hookup, "friends with benefits," nothing more. And sometimes, it actually works. But, these friendships tend to also be short-lived.

In any case, I am not against a FWB relationship however, I think its best to understand all that could possibly go wrong with it. Consider the benefits and if the negatives are going to outweigh them. But,  if you're young and able to have this kind of relationship- successfully, then I say go for it! Below is possibly the best picture ever, along with the ones I posted above. This pretty much explains how FWB is better than an actual relationship- with examples!

xo E

I'm feeling twenty-three!

"Getting older is a privilege"

My father once told me this and at first, my stubborn mind wanted to tell him no, this was wrong, for some reason I was rejecting it. I didn't want to get old, I was happy living life in my early twenties, I didn't even want to think about getting old.

I said to him, "we have to work hard everyday, we go to school, earn a degree, graduate, work our asses off all of our life just to do what? To get old? And, this is supposed to be a privilege?" 

My father explained to me, "getting older is a privilege because we work hard to get there, doing some of those things you just mentioned, but we also live a life. We fall in love and get married and have families of our own, and our children have families of their own and when you're old and grey you can look around at what you did, what you helped to create. You will have the life experience to pass on advice, to tell stories- stories that are yours, that no one else can tell. You will have a career that you are proud of, that helped to take care of this family that you helped to create."  

On Sunday, May 18, I turned 23. I remember last year one of the first things I did on my 22nd birthday was play Taylor Swift's "22," (I loveeeeeee Taylor!)
I love my birthday. Every year older, is another year of my life that I wouldn't trade for anything. The good or the bad. This is my life, no one else's, no one else gets to say they are me, and even when I get old and grey, every birthday that I celebrate is going to be just that- a celebration. Whether I live to be a hundred or I die tomorrow. The chances of my life ending tomorrow are slim to none, but in any case, if I were to die tomorrow, I could honestly say that I am proud of the life I have lived. I have made mistakes, big ones, but that is what life is all about, making mistakes, being human, living your life learning along the way. No one is an expert at life, we don't come out of the womb walking, talking and knowing everything. That is the point of life, of growing up and becoming someone and learning. 

It is a privilege to be 23!

I am proud of myself for the life behind me, and looking forward to living the one in front of me. 

Have you ever just woken up in a bad mood?

There was this split second before I really woke up this morning, where everything seemed to be great. I just finished school, I graduate this Saturday and my 23rd birthday is Sunday. Everything is good, I am good.
And then, I really woke up.
And I remembered, I have an appointment with my counselor today. 
Sometimes I love seeing my counselor because all I really need is for someone to listen to me. Listen to me go on and on about whatever it is I need to talk about.
But, today is not one of those days.
It set up my mood for the entire day. I was irritable and irritated and everything was annoying me. And, I knew that I really just didn't want to go to this appointment.
Because I have been so busy with the ending of school and the starting of my new adult life, I haven't had the chance to even think about how I am feeling. Going to my counselor meant that I was going to, for the first time in a couple weeks, have to talk about how I am feeling.
This was so scary for me because I'm not sure how I am feeling right now.
The dust from this sandstorm of a life I have been living hasn't yet settled, hasn't even given me the chance to understand or know how I am feeling. Finishing school was the distraction I needed to get through some of the hardest things I have ever gone through. Now that school is over, how will I distract myself?
Maybe I am just scared because now I have to really lay all my shit out and get through it, piece by piece. And then, piece by piece, put myself back together again.
In order to not feel so broken I know what I have to do, starting with my counseling appointments.
Maybe some days I will wake up and I will be in a great mood, and some days I will be in a terrible mood. The only thing I can do is try to understand why I am such a terrible mood, and see what I can do about it before my sandstorm completely takes out everyone in my path.
Or just go back to bed and try to wake up a little happier or at least, a little less unhappy in a couple hours.

How do you deal with your bad moods/mood swings? I will take any advice I can get!

xo E

FINALS

It happens really fast. One minute you're just lounging around, drinking a beer with your friends bundled up next to the fire as snow comes down outside. The next thing you know, its MAY. Woah, how did that happen so fast?!

Now you are scrambling, pulling all nighters, living on caffeine and munchies. This is my life right now. I haven't showered since...well I can't remember because I don't even know what day it is right now. This library has been my home for the past three days- thank you to whoever came up with the idea of a 24 hour library.

Yup, you guessed it. It's FINALS! Every student's favorite part of the semester. For me, I have this love/hate relationship with finals. I am so excited to be done with the semester and I know all I have left to do are a few papers/projects and a couple exams. Before I know it, I will be lounging on the beach with my friends forgetting all about these horrible last two weeks before I am free. 

Until, that is, the next semester begins anyway. 

However, luckily for me, I am finally graduating this time. The next time I will have to go through finals season is in grad school, which is hopefully at least a couple years away. 

I could go on and on in this single post about how much finals can seriously suck, but unless you haven't gone through college, we all know how much they suck. 

SO, I will just say this: if you are going through this, good luck! If you aren't, watch out for those of us who are because we are hungry, cranky, sleep deprived and our brains are about to explode. 

It will all be over soon and we can relax and enjoy our freedom soon enough! 

Just some encouraging eye-candy and humor to help get you through this stressful time! ;)

xo E

"time heals all wounds"

Sometimes, I feel so out of control of my life and what happens in it that I have to believe there is some reason for it. I have to believe that everything happens for a reason-even if I can't see that reason at the time. I don't mean to say that everything that happens in my life is out of my control, but sometimes it feels as though there is this path in which we each are meant to travel, without any map or guidance. 
When my parents got divorced, it felt like my world was falling apart. In my parents' defense, I was in high school when this happened and almost everything bad that happened felt like my world was falling apart. 
As I matured, the more I saw how much better my parents were apart than together. In defense of my teenager self, I had never known how much better my parents would be apart rather than together. Looking back, I know that my relationship with either of them wouldn't be as strong as it is today if they hadn't divorced. Today, I am thankful for their divorce, but looking back on that awful year, I remember thinking it couldn't ever get worse.
This semester I went through a life-altering situation that will forever change who I am. I am not a teenager in high school anymore with no life experience, I am graduating from college and turning 23 in a few weeks. For the first time since my parents divorce, I truly felt depressed and sad. This was worse than my family's break up, something inside me had died. 
I stopped eating, I barely slept, I quit showing up for school and work. Everything inside me hurt. The feelings I had were emotional, but they were so strong that I could physically feel them. 
Eventually, I realized this was no way to continue living, I had to get myself some help. 
Since I reached out for help, I will not lie, life hasn't been easier. Sometimes, I just want a quick fix for something, I want to be able to snap my fingers and make everything go away. I just want to feel better. But, that isn't how life works. I need to hurt this bad in order to feel better. And its nothing that can be  "fixed" or a quick fix, only time will allow me to move forward with my life. Just like time showed me the good in my parents' divorce, I am sure time will show me the reason or if anything the lesson in my struggles this year.