FWB

We have all been there, and if you haven't, you can't even say that you haven't at least thought about it. Friends with Benefits. Even if you haven't actually had a "friend with benefits" you probably had guy friends (or girl friends, I don't judge), whom you at least thought about said topic with. There is nothing wrong with this kind of relationship, except for well, everything about it. I find it can depend on the persons involved, but I do believe that no matter who these people are, they have thought about what it would be like to bring the sex relationship to the next level. Which is what? I've always wondered who even came up with the levels of a relationship between two people, and why they even have to exist. But that is a whole other discussion for a different day. 

In the past, when I've had "friends with benefits," I found there was always one of us who liked the other, but the other didn't feel the same, they were just in it for the sex. There has been times where I have attempted a relationship with someone and found out after that to them, it was a "friends with benefits thing." 

Well this is embarrassing. 

But, there has been times where I considered a hook up to be just that, and the guy was under a different impression. 

So, back to my theory that it really just depends on who that person is. 

I think it also depends on the kind of relationship or friendship you already have with that person. I have a friend, who is a guy, who has probably had a crush on me for as long as he has known me. We have always been "just friends" because that is all I ever wanted. I didn't want the hooking up part and I didn't want the relationship. But, I knew those things were things he would always think about and want. It is hard to maintain a friendship with someone when this is the case. I liked that when we hung out I didn't need to worry or care how I looked, I could look dirty as fuck and not give two shits. I could drink beer and eat chips in my sweats and listen to music and play games and none of it would feel weird because we were just friends. 

Except it always felt weird, sometimes weirder than other times. Point being, I always knew he liked me because he would always flirt and get touchy and it honestly made me feel sick. But, mostly it just made me feel like a jerk. I didn't want him to think I was leading him on or giving him false hope, so I constantly would remind him that we were "just friends." He HATED this. Mostly, I think, because he knew that it probably never was going to happen, deep down, he knew that if it were it would have happened already. But, still he continued to flirt and touch and make jokes about us "someday" getting together. 

This also made me feel sick. 

I promise there is a point to this story. 

See the biggest problem about this friendship, is that when I get drunk or drunk-ish or apparently when I am just sleep deprived and spending my second night in a row at the university library, I get lonely and I get flirty. 

So I flirted and I gave him hope that it actually might happen, this thing that he had been waiting for since I drunkenly bumped into him at a party freshman year of college (I am 23 now.)

But it never happened, though, he certainly tried. But I couldn't go through with it. The more I thought about it, the more it felt so...wrong. 

He was one of my only guy friends that I didn't hook up with. And that is why I liked him so much-as a friend, who is a guy, and not a girl. 

He was my I-can-be-dirty-and-still-hang-with-a-guy friend. 

When you find that, you hang on to it. You don't hook up with it, and why not? Because he will like you, because he has seen you dirty, drinking beer and eating chips playing drinking games and listening to 90's music. 

He knows everything about you, and he is still your friend. 

Add sex to the equation, and its all over. 

He will be falling in love in no time. 

Then, you will have to end the sex, end the friendship because any means of a friendship after that is highly likely to be pretty much hopeless. 

And then what? 

Now you are laying around in your sweats, dirty, drinking a beer and listening to 90's music, ALONE. 

No one wants that. 

But, like I said before, it depends on the persons involved. 

I started a casual "friends with benefits" relationship with a guy I have known, and been friends with since middle school. The relationship had its ups and downs over the years because there were many times throughout high school where he liked me and I didn't feel the same way. 

A couple years ago, we were both newly single and feeling quite deprived, so we decided to become FWB. 

Unfortunately, this was harder than expected. I began to develop feelings for him that I had never even had before- not for him anyway.
Given that we had dated in the past and our friendship was such a long-term one, I knew that once I started to develop these feelings for him, they most likely would never go away.
I began to realize that for him, I wasn't what he wanted, at least, not in any sense more than what we were already doing. While the "benefits" part of the friendship continued for quite a long time, the "friends" part began to dwindle out until finally, the entire friendship was practically non-existent.

In some cases, both parties know exactly what it is. It is a hookup, "friends with benefits," nothing more. And sometimes, it actually works. But, these friendships tend to also be short-lived.

In any case, I am not against a FWB relationship however, I think its best to understand all that could possibly go wrong with it. Consider the benefits and if the negatives are going to outweigh them. But,  if you're young and able to have this kind of relationship- successfully, then I say go for it! Below is possibly the best picture ever, along with the ones I posted above. This pretty much explains how FWB is better than an actual relationship- with examples!

xo E