There was this split second before I really woke up this morning, where everything seemed to be great. I just finished school, I graduate this Saturday and my 23rd birthday is Sunday. Everything is good, I am good.
And then, I really woke up.
And I remembered, I have an appointment with my counselor today.
Sometimes I love seeing my counselor because all I really need is for someone to listen to me. Listen to me go on and on about whatever it is I need to talk about.
But, today is not one of those days.
It set up my mood for the entire day. I was irritable and irritated and everything was annoying me. And, I knew that I really just didn't want to go to this appointment.
Because I have been so busy with the ending of school and the starting of my new adult life, I haven't had the chance to even think about how I am feeling. Going to my counselor meant that I was going to, for the first time in a couple weeks, have to talk about how I am feeling.
This was so scary for me because I'm not sure how I am feeling right now.
The dust from this sandstorm of a life I have been living hasn't yet settled, hasn't even given me the chance to understand or know how I am feeling. Finishing school was the distraction I needed to get through some of the hardest things I have ever gone through. Now that school is over, how will I distract myself?
Maybe I am just scared because now I have to really lay all my shit out and get through it, piece by piece. And then, piece by piece, put myself back together again.
In order to not feel so broken I know what I have to do, starting with my counseling appointments.
Maybe some days I will wake up and I will be in a great mood, and some days I will be in a terrible mood. The only thing I can do is try to understand why I am such a terrible mood, and see what I can do about it before my sandstorm completely takes out everyone in my path.
Or just go back to bed and try to wake up a little happier or at least, a little less unhappy in a couple hours.
How do you deal with your bad moods/mood swings? I will take any advice I can get!
xo E
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